Mania. What it actually feels like when you feel invincible!
Hi all. Today I’d like to talk about mania, and to hopefully hear your most manic episode you’ve had. How it affected you and your family, and how long did it last before the major comedown?. As a few of you already know, my biggest manic episode was in 1989/1990. I never knew this was mania at the time, as I wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar disorder until 2015!. I was only 24 back then and thought this idea I had was the best thing since the wheel was invented!. I won’t go into detail about my episode as I’ve already done that, so I will just say what I felt like at the time.
I think most people that have bipolar disorder will say the same thing regarding mania, it sometimes feels like your on top of the world!. But sometimes it can feel unpleasant, whereas it can cause great irritability. I think this irritability is caused by the people around us, that disagree with these massive ideas we have. In the “manic mind” these ideas are genius, why would people disagree with them?.
We become more and more angry with these people that are trying to put a dampener on our fantastic delusions!. The more they interrupt our goal-directed behaviour, the more irritated we become until it becomes uncontrollable. Then when it’s out of our control it turns to rage.
On the flip side of mania comes the good part. Although it can get us in all sorts of trouble eg: financially, relationships etc. We have an elated mood like we was on some sort of drug. We feel so good about ourselves, and engage in reckless behaviour like spending money we don’t really have. In my case a £20,000 loan, which was worth a lot more back in 89 than it is now. We can get really creative and become more intelligent, and create things with very little sleep or no sleep at all.
We can feel above others and somehow special, like the “chosen one”. When we feel like this it feels right at the time, and can’t understand why others are not on our wavelength. We seem to be on a much higher level than everyone else, we sometimes can feel like “God”. We truly believe these ideas at the time, and no one can tell us otherwise.
When the mania passes, and the dawn of reality hits us, we feel so ashamed and guilty. We can’t believe that we actually had these thoughts, let alone go through with them. Then we have the major depressive comedown!.
If you don’t mind talking about your experiences with mania, I’d like to hear about your biggest manic episode. Thanks all.
- What was your most manic episode?
- How long did the mania last?
- How did it have the biggest impact on your life?